Maybe I should blog.

Or not.

Give Me All Your Money

I've been very busy lately. Too busy to blog.

First I was very busy spiraling down into a deep, dark, pit of depression.

So, I had to lie around immobile for about a week trying to remember reasons to live.

Then I FINALLY remembered a couple reasons and I started to spiral up again.

So now I'm ok. About as ok as I get, that is.

But now I am working on a writing assignment for cash money. So I have to do that instead of blog, since you guys don't pay me to blog.

So um.

Maybe you should pay me.

The Tale of the Worn-Out Bootstraps

So, the other night, I was arguing with this guy about depression.

I was saying that it isn't always a matter of attitude, that it is in fact, a real illness and often requires more than just an attitude adjustment.

But, he's one of those guys that thinks you can just think yourself out of depression. That it's not a real illness. That you should just cheer up. That you should "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps."

However, now I'm noticing that he might be having trouble supporting his own argument.

He tried to pull himself up by his bootstraps, but he just pulled them right off and fell down.

Hitler Fucked Up

I met a half German, half Mexican the other night and he was SO SUPER CUTE.

I mean, blue eyes are dumb. I know because I have them. They are super-sensitive to light and I can't see that well in bright light. Major disadvantage.

(However, "lord" I want you to know that I am very grateful to have eyes! Don't get me wrong. I really like having eyes).

But so Hitler was way off. He should have been breeding German/Mexicans.

Plus everybody knows that whiteys are wimps. (I can say something racist like that because I am white).

Maybe then, he woulda won the war.

And yes, this is all based on sound scientific research.

Stupid Hitler.

NAME TAGS CAN KILL YOU

I am working my ass off on a freelance project, making a name tag catalog.

I am very grateful to have the job, but I'm a little overwhelmed.

So, I can't blog, because I am drowning in name tags.

SOMETHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME!

I was in a tremendous downward spiral for the last week. For no apparent reason. Well, I can maybe think of a couple of dumb reasons, but they should not make me feel like giving up!

But I did feel like giving up. I just wanted out. Out of everything. I didn't want to kill myself, but I sure didn't feel like living.

Sometimes, my depression just knocks me out like Rocky Balboa and I am down for the count.

I was utterly bored by life and everything it has to offer. I didn't care about anything. Even my beloved TV did not bring solace.

Luckily, my current medication, Pristiq (WORST NAME EVER FOR A DRUG) staved off any real harmful impulses (i.e. suicide). So, thank you Pristiq. You are a real miracle, even if I hate your name.

I knew that what I really should do was go outside and take a walk. But I couldn't even bring myself to do that.

So I just crawled into bed and laid there and waited for it to pass. And these feelings usually do pass. At least I know now that now, that if I just wait it out, it will pass. Knowing that is actually a huge triumph for me.

In the past, when I would feel down and out, I would imagine that the feeling would LAST FOREVER and I would want to end it all.

Now I know that it won't, which does help. It helps a lot, actually.

But it still sucks. These feelings of despair that just strike so randomly.

But this too shall pass. And it did.

Then Joyce told me to say SOMETHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME!

So I keep saying it and trying to believe it.

What's the Point?

I have no idea.